Allowing ourselves the “inconvenience” of community can be healing, and a key to resistance.
As guests filed in for Alternatives’ first Cocktails & Complicity of the year, we invited them to consider two questions:
- What kind of support system would make your life easier, and
- What was a time when you sacrificed your own convenience to help someone?
Guests were invited to share their thoughts on a post-it and add them to the relevant prompt.
Everything from money to transportation to families was mentioned. Without knowing it, our guests touched on the complexity of systems and participants in a community. This is the very complexity that makes community care so elusive, and somewhat daunting.
Left: Prompt 1, “What kind of support system would make your life easier?”
Right: Prompt 2, “When did you sacrifice your convenience to help someone else?”
When a topic feels heavy, it can be difficult to know where to start or where to turn, but we have found that the best thing we can do is start talking. For one hour, Alternatives’ Executive Director Bessie Alcantara sat down with Adela Carlin (Illinois Partners for Human Service) and Sarah Daniels (ICOY) to unravel the layers of community care and how everyone can participate. Below are three key takeaways from the conversation.
- Community is the antithesis of transactional relationships. Culturally, we hear a lot of rhetoric around “protecting our peace” and keeping tabs of things we’ve done (or not done) for one another. This approach keeps us in a state of conflict and isolation; the hallmark of community and acceptance is addressing conflict, taking accountability, and coming back together once harm has been repaired. In fact, this is a key component of restorative practices, and something we are losing as we prioritize doomscrolling, self-care-only solutions, and work above social obligations. Community requires that we look out for each other and care for one another. It is relational, and according to Adela Carlin, “we’ve been doing it forever.”
- Our systems and resources are changing – to our detriment. Every generation compares themselves to those before and after it, but what is especially noticeable about Gen Z and Gen Alpha is that as their people-centered resources diminish, their reliance on technology and isolationist practices increases. The out of school activities and programming where many of us remember forming strong friendships and social skills while practicing the arts, sports, and other subjects are gone. Rising costs and stagnant wages keep our parents, and even teenagers, hustling at work to bring in money while neglecting themselves and each other. Sarah Daniels noted that this change is occurring on a policy level as well, bringing us back to a place where we have systems that prevent us from engaging with and really seeing one another. We have lost the gift of free time, and we are starting to lose each other.
- Community care cannot be absent from nonprofits, especially for employees. Many people in the nonprofit sector are at high risk of burnout as they recognize the need for care and action outside of work. We’re also often seen as the work we do, not as the people we are, and this does nothing to support the people keeping many human services and programs alive. In fact, this mentality and way of working feeds into the nonprofit industrial complex, reflecting the hustle and bustle culture of capitalism that, sure enough, keeps us focused on work and not our environment. This is especially difficult for Black and Brown folx, who are often raised to prioritize family and friends. At our core, we want to be there for each other, whether it’s through our work or in our personal lives. But now, the systems we live and work in actively work against us, and it’s not easy to show up for a friend in need, care for an elder, or help a new mom with her baby when PTO is limited and our cultural practices are considered “unprofessional.” Nonprofits are not exempt from these pitfalls, but we can work to change that. Human connection is the key to all of us thriving, and it is a core part of who we are.
The stripping of our resources and community practices have left us with very few tools to respond to federal actions and policies. We are living in a time where many of us are exhausted, and every time we ask each other how we are doing, the answer is some form of “Oh you know, just trying to make it through.” It is no accident that we feel burdened, fatigued, and helpless right now: it is by design. Day after day we are retraumatized, shocked and awed into submission so that we retreat into ourselves. We are less likely to care about helping someone else, or sacrificing our diminishing rest time to take a phone call, pick someone up, or show up somewhere when someone needs us. Thankfully, though, community is in our blood, especially for folx of color. Throughout our entire lives, we have created our own systems of care for each other when policies and practices have historically excluded us: we have thrown rent parties, watched each other’s children, carpooled, and done whatever it takes to survive. The collective is stronger than the individual – that’s why so many have said the key to making it through these times is community, is each other. We are our greatest joy, and our greatest tool of resistance.
“We have a history of resisting through community. What this administration fears the most is us coming together and using our collective power to make a difference.” – Bessie Alcantara, Alternatives’ Executive Director
This Cocktails & Complicity conversation covered so much in such a short time; our speakers shared personal stories and experiences about work, their families, and themselves. If you missed this conversation, we’re happy to share that it will be released as an episode of our podcast, Broken Office Chair. Subscribe wherever you get your podcasts for the latest episode drops, and subscribe to our newsletter to be the first to know about our next Cocktails & Complicity.
Come Into Community: Show Up Now For Your People
Showing up for others doesn’t have to mean organizing a huge event or protest: it can be in small ways that have enormous ripple effects. To stretch your community muscles, you can:
- Support your local mutual aid group by volunteering or raising money. Monthly donations to organizations you care about help them with budgeting and program planning. Even $5 a month is a big deal to a nonprofit organization like Alternatives.
- Shop small – skip the Target run and support local businesses, especially those owned by Black and Brown folx who have experienced the brunt of cruel policies and attacks.
- Attend public meetings held by your alderperson or local community activist group. It’s never too late to show up.
